life in the country

A programmer from Microsoft is fed up with his job, his life, so he quits and moves up to the Montana. Two weeks go by and while thinking how happy he is with his new life, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door to find a huge rancher who extends his hand and says “I’m your neighbor Butch. I live about a mile north across the stream. I am having a party tonight and I would like to invite you.”

The guy says, “Hi Butch, my name is Bill, nice to meet you. I would love to come to your party tonight.”

Butch: “Great, but I have to warn you, there is going to be some drinking. And there is going to be some sex. And there may be some fighting.”

Bill: “That’s great Butch. I like my beer.” I’ve been up here two weeks so the sex sounds good. And I get along great with everyone.”

Butch: “Great then. I’ll see you tonight.”

As Butch begins to walk away Bill yells, “Hey Butch, what should I wear?”

Butch replies, “Don’t matter, just gonna be me and you.”

You just got to “love” the goverment

So you “own” some Farmland. If you would like to keep it, you need to know a few things.

Never let it flood. If the land floods around where I live, even if it is just for a month or two out of the year. The county will try and take the land from you. They will call it a wetland  it will no longer really be yours (other than paying taxes on it). Every flat piece of ground is a “natural” wetland in western Washington, if you do not keep it drained.

If you let it go and find you have marsh or pond forming (also called a puddle). Holidays are the best time to to fix that problem by creating “natural” drainage. Government workers are a rather predictable and lazy lot. They do use aerial photography, so it is best to do the work during the rainy season. Things get grown over fast when it rains. And yes it is best not to let an eagle nest on your land. Eagles traditionally are another reason for the government to tell you that some of your land is really not yours at all. If you see a nest being started, destroy it. For a protected animal Bald Eagles are thick around here. There is nothing rare about them. They are beautiful animals, it’s a shame you can’t let them nest on your land. But only a fool would allow it.

There was this old couple not far from here. They stopped using their land as pasture, but still lived in the house. They were going to sell it off in a few years when they retired. A farm next to them unintentionally pushed up a small ridge against their land. The water level went up during the winter. Not too badly, it was not worth doing anything about it. The ducks liked it during the winter and spring, and it was dry before any mosquitoes hatched . The county came by and called their back 10 acres an endangered wetland. They had to put a fence around it and are not even allowed to walk in their own back yard. Yes they had their land stolen from them. And no they were not paid for it. Got to just love those noble folks with their progressive politics. No I don’t love them, I don’t even respect them.They are just thieves being paid by the hour, out of the taxes being paid by the people they are stealing from

So remember to kill a beaver on sight, use weed killer on anything that looks like wetland vegetation. And drain it fast, even if you like ducks. And never ever get a permit, unless you want the land stolen from you. Beware of Seattle people buying the land next to you and making a little hobby farm out of it. They will turn you in every time they think something you doing is bad. And those people think everything is an environmental crime. So make certain you point your French drains toward their land. Yes they tend to be too stupid to understand these things and end up with a fence around part of their land. Yes a part of their property where they are not even allowed to walk. Sometimes there is justice in this world.


7 thoughts on “life in the country

  1. ah, it’s me ( rnjennison ) from xanga. Good post. We have some pristine land of our own in the Kansas flinthills and I really love life in the country. But my wife didn’t, so we live in Wichita. Looks like I need to get my picture loaded, don’t I !

  2. pdvossen says:

    Catching your transition to WordPress.

    I believe with all the hard efforts and John the CEO’s latest interview on the progress of transition. That Xanga will live again in 2.0. I do have a blog here on WordPress at Always have appreciated your posts. I do hope Xanga flies again. LOL.


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